Inescapable pigeon droppings: a story for the romantically challenged

Categories content writing, humor, humour, ipd, sarcasm, storytelling

“The world is divided into those who can shit
and those who cannot”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Whenever a dog covers his poop with mud , he actually isn’t smearing the mud to hide or cover it up . Also, your dog doesn’t mean to bake perro-poop-cake-seasoned-with-mud-toppings . All he does instead is , spreading his scent to mark it’s territory.

Stay outta’ my territory , scallywag ,
only I poop here!!!

is what he wants others to know.

So, ever since I set my foot on this planet , people have been perpetually pooping over my life and spreading their scents all over . pause that .
*winces in disgust*
Hmmm, and I thought of writing a detailed story on it as I did with my dog dynasty .
(get the links- The ‘kaalu’ Chronicles! – Part I -my ‘khaandani’ pet dog and
The ‘Kaalu’ chronicles – Part 2)

I did this partly because I’m out of ideas for now and partly because I’m tired of telling it so I better start writing it.

This uptil now, was the prologue and that’s a trick I’ve thought of lately to force people into reading it because I , for one, am deeply into the habit of skipping prologues.

1 : The boy who lived 

Mother Teresa was born on  august 26th,  1910 . She really was a big time sacred soul and did a lot of things people don’t give a crap about. However, she died on september 5th , 1997.
Four days later…..
I took birth on the mortal land in the apple-rose continent of jambudweep better known to us as India. This incarnation I believe, happened ,  to make up for the loss inflicted on us four days prior.2222222.jpg

My actual handwriting too, is as good as this font , only better at times.
My skills ? I can’t milk a cow .
There are days when I can’t even burst a bubble wrap properly , but then , there are days when I just might operate a lathe machine all on my own and cut out a dildo from cast iron !

But that isn’t how mechanical engineering works. 

YES! I’m from mechanical and NO! we aren’t all pervs ,
and YES! we rarely have any girls among us (on a binary count , if so), and NO! we don’t drool at the sight of one ,
and YES! we exist , and NO! we’re not barbarians ,
and YES! we do have an uncanny taste for fun , and NO! we don’t kill each other over bread (or jerk off during lectures) . Aforementioned are just a few of the countless ‘stigmas we have to go through’ every single day.

now just so you know , THIS ISN’T what MECHANICAL is like !

Apart from these trifles , this incarnation seems to be going just fine so far . As of this writing , I’m a sophomore engineering student with three live backlogs to my credit.

So let’s start from the beginning .
I always thought I was special and born with a purpose , and upon doing anything beyond ordinary , palpated my forehead for that harry-potter-lightening-bolt mark. But sigh ! the bubble used to burst as soon as someone sent me to fetch errands (which was very often). I was one-and-a-half year into this planet when I learnt to walk and three years into it when sent to school to make a nice , educated gentleman of myself ,which I did , for the most part.

I still remember my first day at school very well , the reason being I pooped my knickers on my very first school day and ran all the way up to the classroom of my elder brother, and embarrassed the shit out of him. So much that thereafter , he refused to acknowledge me as his brother in public.

To be honest, in hindsight , I believe my excretory action back in those days was kind of involuntary , because I pooped  like a bird – gravitationally , mindlessly and often . More often than not , it always occurred during school hours.

read further  – She-who-must-not-be-named

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