Today I saw myself on TV …….. ……. after I turned it off.

*waits for a high five till eternity*

erm……. NO ??

laugh at this joke within 5 seconds or else something terribly bad will happen to you next thursday .

*waits for a high five*
*teeth fall*
*watches them ..... drops dead*

Still?

happy

I do have such a habit. I do crack silly jokes but believe me, this shitsure would’ve made a kid laugh his ass out. But Nope! Grown ups ain’t got no spare laughs for jokes that don’t constitute boobs and boners. Veg jokes are done with! They sleep with the fishes now.

tumblr_mert9zPzQb1qbxnzho1_500

 

Now , that non vegetarians rule the roost in the realm of humor, I seek to seek refuge in animal humor. Just so you know, being the clansman of a staunch Hindu-Brahmin family, I’m bound to be a pure vegetarian , to the CORE – in THOUGHT , FOOD , WORD and DEED.

We take saatvik (ontological) meals that includes just vegetarian stuff plus milk products , and have even renounced, take with a pinch of salt , kaam (lust) , krodh (wrath) , lobh (greed), moh (endearment) and ahankaar (conceit).

To sum it up , we are to this world what an appendix is to a large intestine and what nipples are to a man and what a handbrake is to a canoe.

Alright I can sense you leaving this page so hold on , let’s see where it all boils down to.

Do you know what the first recorded joke looked like?

Well it sounded worse than your dad reading out your college mark sheet on your face.

Here we go…. *Drumroll*

“Something that hasn’t happened since time immemorial ; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap. “

laugh

That makes me just want pencillin.

What sort of exotic piece of poop was that anyway? Where’d you come with that from? Pulled it from your behind?

As it turns out , that was a Sumerian saying and it is regarded the world’s first recorded joke. So now at least we know the world started off a veggie , right? As long as the aforementioned ‘fart’ is a veggie fart of course.

Not only did I not understand it , rather it even made me drift off to an hour long nap. Seriously , what part of Earth does Sumer lie on? Stratosphere??

Had my dog been alive , he’d have pooped by now , eaten it up , thrown it up and gulped it down again and because he is alive, he did all of it!

FAARP….THIBT…..THIBT…..THIBBBBBT…..NOMNOMNOM…..ORRGGH….GGULPP…HRMPH….! ( That was the sound of him doing it).

kill him

Okay fine , theoretically that was unlaughable but humans back then were far too docile and maybe that was art , and it is a fact well established that the unwashed masses do not tend to have a sound comprehension for art.

Oh , enough of this now , let us just say a nice veggie joke and get this done with.

giphy (8).gif

this is how it ends-

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

*Waits till summer solstice*

jafarsmile

© 2017, thenullstreet. All rights reserved.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply