The Kaalu Chronicles – Part 3

Categories content writing, humor, humour, kaalu, sarcasm, storytelling

Bóg trójcę lubi
which means – all good things come in threes.

The phrase holds true for the clan of my dumb dogs , whose saga now comes to an end with this third and final part.

In continuation of – The ‘Kaalu’ chronicles – Part 2

Things hadn’t gone very well with Kaalu 2 lately and the final curtain fell with his getting kidnapped and lost forever to oblivion . We of course , missed him sorely and by ‘we’ , I mean me and my shadow . No one save me cared for him , I , however ,was shaken. The purloinage had left me crestfallen. Crest…fallen.


Nevertheless , life goes on.
He was soon succeeded by King Kaalu the third. This dynasty seemed to be going on and on incessantly , which reminds me of the French monarchs , especially the Capetian dynasty , House of Bourbon. There were a total of twenty Kings named King Louis. King Louis the XIV reigning the longest.

He was small , which again reminds me of Kings been crowned at a fairly young age , Akbar , or Muhammad Qasim , the caliph’s viceroy. But he certainly lacked a bunch of things these guys possessed.

We came in possession of him when one of King Kaalu the second’s concubines bore him along with , of course a few others who probably went away to soar into the bazillion canine possibilities in this enigmatic world of yours. Plenty of bitches to be sniffed. Plenty of fields to be pooped over. A myriad chapatis to be chased.

As Kaalu descended onto the mortal land , a whirlwind took the sky all over. A heavenly voice roared – “This animal , this hornless , wingless unicorn has divine sanction going for him. Don’t fucking fuck with him “

This , however , wasn’t the truth.
But this is how I like to remember him.

The truth was – someone , perhaps my grandmother , sighed – ” why the hell do we have to rear him? this horny , witless master-piece of shit has got some disease going for him. Get rid of him.”

It finally came to pass that we kept him anyways. He looked like he was brought up on fish food , or grass , or toothpaste. Once, he lost a fight against a grape vine.

But when it came to issues concerning libido , Kaalu was no less than a cupid. He too, like his father , attempted to rape buffaloes and once got pooped over by one of them. Completely.

teasing elder.gif

Kaalu’s life came to an abrupt and disheartening end. He turned insane , started teetering on two legs – right foreleg and right hind leg and upon this show of defiance against gravity , his eyes clearly proclaimed –

“Let Newton make of it whatever he wishes to”

Whenever such things happen , and they do happen a lot , we know the drill – we simply disown the beast, unless it’s the holy cow.
No one knows the reason for his turning insane – all I know is , he licked me a day or two before the symptoms appeared. Nothing apart from this trivia.

He died . Died childless . The dynasty ended. Kaalu was all-bark-and-no-bite. He ran barking towards trespassing dogs and ran back still barking when they gave him a stare.

silly dog.gif

Time of death – no one gave a shit.
Last words – Bow! Bow!


Athwart the horizon, a plume of dust emerged. A white stallion emerged out from the dust-cloud. He galloped and galloped , muscles moved like a clockwork on his sides. He galloped and galloped , a white furry tail swung elegantly like a pendulum. He galloped and galloped.

He raised his hooves upwards , Sparks ran out of the burning asphalt as the heels screeched against the road . He stopped just ahead of the verandah , on the mud and wagged a tail and a tongue in unison and ravenously fed on the chapatis we threw to him.

The satin skinned steed is what I like to think of my brand new dog. He is all white, as a witch’s tresses. A pink nose. He has a sister too , same pink nose , a bit more furry plus she has the unique ability of catching chapatis with her jaws in mid air when they’re flung towards her.

We named him Kaalu despite his white colour as a sign of respect to the Kaalus . Hell no , just to save ourselves the effort .

this is him.

He is the antithesis of sanity . Plus he’s ever so energetic , as if going for a Trojan war , or the Crusades. He rules!
He is …… A stud!


One morning , I’m going somewhere, seated behind a motorbike, looking at the fields around , when something strikes my eye. This is….. is this ? ?

He….. Hell yes! He is Kaalu the second! The one who was kidnapped , turns out the kidnapper felt tortured by this bizarre beast of the satanic realms. All he does is sleep.

It was Kaalu the second , besmeared with muck , stealing some … fucking grass! for-god’s-sake-nooooo. Spinach leaves in his jaws , he turned a head and gave a ghastly half-grin. I swooned.


I waited , and after four days , he showed up , finally ( that was the time it took him to figure out the way back to home).
Though he is a King , he doesn’t check his ways , appearances. He is content . A King in disguise. HE DOESN’T FUCKING CARE !!


As says Walt Whitman
“If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.”

He claimed his throne once again and we love him !

Though he has returned , he isn’t half the dog he used to be. But we love him in spite of his queer tastes and mysterious habits. He sleeps as if he is dead, just like a possum does while feigning death – legs up, teeth open , tongue out. I was under the impression he must be old now , but Mummy told me one day that he had just turned two!

these are the real pics , plus I’m secretly a cheetah
the possum sleep

this uncanny sleep now reminds me of D.H. Lawrence –
“She lies at last , the darling , in the shape of her dream,
and her dead mouth sings by it’s shape , like the thrushes in clear evenings.”

This is how things are going now – We(my family minus me) live in the the beautiful district of Nainital , with our beloved Kaalu and the white Kaalu.

I may write an epilogue to this beautiful chronicle one day in the fullness of time . Right now , however I’m not the least in the mood , for right now I have bigger fish to fry , like feeding him the leftovers ( in keeping with Hindu customs) or keeping him from stepping on the just-mopped floor lest he be shouted out by mummy.

Bitches wanted him , and dogs wanted to be him .

detached like a sufi !
the pink nosed stallion
kaalu teeth.jpg
hee hee !


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